It's all peaceful until you hear the screams. Sometimes a fist or name-calling will come along. This is a normal sibling rivalry routine in all homes whether raising toddlers or teens. The norm is common, especially in homes with two or more kids.

Parenting is never foreseen or planned we work with current situations and instincts. It's a beautiful journey with laughter, tears, and perfection. However, each child comes with unique values, personalities, and temperaments meaning different parenting techniques. One guarantee is expect jealousy, anger, and fights during the journey.

What is sibling rivalry?

Sibling rivalry is children-related conflict that occasionally happens between children raised in the same family.  It doesn't necessarily happen to blood-related siblings, but also to stepsiblings or adopted siblings.

 Sibling rivalry is a kind of "rite of passage" for most siblings growing up.  A day wouldn't go by without a fight or frown faces. It was actually fun until you lost to your sibling or punishment was administered. The fun part is when you forget you're angry at each other and laugh at the timeout corner or bedroom.

 However, parents need to appreciate each kid's uniqueness and avoid comparisons as they are differently made. They should understand the cause and try to find effective solutions to minimize conflicts.

Navigating sibling rivalry requires patience, understanding, and consistent effort since its unpredictable occurrence. Addressing sibling conflicts helps maintain a harmonious family environment and enforce respect among the kids.  This instills positive, supportive relationships with one another.

Causes of Sibling Rivalry

Sibling fights have been there since time immemorial. We all have a childhood memory of fighting over food, territory, respect, TV, or anything.  However, there are common aspects proven to cause rivalry as indicated below:

• Ages and stages

Age comes with new roles and responsibilities.  Older kids tend to feel used and oppressed by young ones who don't have many chores and may require much attention.  The rivalry occurs when the younger kids think they can own everything without sharing with their counterparts. This is evident with TV or electric gadgets as they wish to keep it for themselves. The trend can be vice versa with older ones controlling the small siblings. One way or another everyone must establish their territory with few fights and set who is who when it comes to certain obligations.

• Jealousy

Jealousy only happens if parents or guardians encourage the situation. Having some children feel special than others will create a constant rivalry which can be addressed by equality.

• Differences in personalities and interests

Rivals may arise due to different personalities. With everyone unique, it's challenging for kids to understand their sibling is different.  One's interest is different from the other, this may take time to come along, especially in the toddler to young teen ages. However, it’s outgrown as children grow and realize their liking to certain things is totally different.

• Competition for attention

One of the leading causes of sibling conflict is the desire for children to seek their parent’s attention. The kids work to ensure they receive better than their siblings.  Most will seek to receive praise for particular actions just to make others feel jealous. Rivalry can arise when the siblings feel like they are not receiving their fair share of praise and attention.

• Parental favoritism

There is always a feeling that one child is favored. This happens in almost all families, sometimes true sometimes it's an assumption. Parents practicing favoritism create permanent scare which significantly affects siblings. This develops an internal monster that can tap into their adulthood if not addressed early

Parental strategies for harmony with siblings

Here are some strategies to follow to maintain effective parenting for sibling rivalry resolution and bring joy, peace, and harmony into your home.

• Lead by example

You are the best example to your kids.  Children tend to mimic their parent’s behaviors and attitudes. Always show them respect, empathy, and kindness as you interact with them. This will set a powerful example as they grow older.

• Listen attentively

You must take your time well and listen to your kids regardless of who is in the wrong. For effective results ensure to give your total concentration, understanding, and response, and keep in mind what you have discussed. This will help them to cooperate reasonably with you if they feel they are being heard.

• Nurture individuality and respect.

Parents /guardians should celebrate each kid as an individual. Know their uniqueness, strengths, interests, and achievements. It is crucial to encourage respect for their differences and promote acceptance with all the family members. Let the older kids understand being old doesn't give them authority but they can receive respect from young ones without demanding.

• Engage in open communication.

Communication is the key aspect in resolving conflicts and reducing rivalry. Create a safe space for your children to voice their concerns and emotions and try to understand them.

• Fair and consistent parenting

Parents must reduce favoritism and promote fairness among all kids. For good behavior or action let all children understand that the praise or gift will be equal every time. Parents should have clear rules that are consistent for all kids.

• Stay calm and in control.

As parents, it is good to pay attention to how your kids behave so that you can intervene before a situation begins. Always have a clue of what happens at a particular time or event. This will help address the conflicts and give a permanent solution.

• Allocate individual time

Make time for each child to know their weaknesses, interests, and achievements. This helps reduce competition and gives each child a sense of security as they will feel valued. It also strengthens parent-child bonds as you demonstrate their importance and value, nurturing their self-esteem and minimizing conflicts.

• Encourage teamwork

Parents need to teach their children about oneness by creating opportunities for fun activities. It’s a great way to promote cooperation, better communication, and the development problem problem-solving skills.  Emphasize collaboration rather than competition as it’s a lesson that will work in their adulthood.

• Teach rivalry resolution

Teaching siblings how to solve their own conflicts without an intermediary or help. Let them learn about negotiations and taking turns. An effective way is by involving them in a resolution process here they can learn about their differences and come up with a solution easily.

• Promote positive support

Positively recognize the good behaviors and praise them immediately. The action should apply to every child once they do something nice. Take note when the kids are at peace with each other or have resolved a conflict without your intervention.  Reward them to motivate the behavior and instill a positive love seed.

• Have fun and family time.

Meals, walks, board games, and parks are incredible activities you can have with your kids. It's a bonding and family time. These moments allow for interaction and learning leaving no room for picking fights with each other.